As I was doing the dishes one night and the rumble tumble of the washer and dryer were heard in the background, I managed to hear my toddlers squealing “Daddy’s home, YAY, Daddy’s home!”
From my kitchen in the back I can hear the sound of the screen door, as well as his keys, and our wooden door closing.
“Hey guys!” I hear him say, as I picture his usual smile while I’m drying my hands to go greet him.
This isn’t a 1950s scenario I am trying to depict here.
A knot formed in my throat while I made every attempt to pull myself together and greet him just as nice when all I really wanted to his lean in his arms for him to embrace me while I break down and let the tears out.
It was one of those days. I had held it all in for my kids sake and just could. not. wait. for my husband to come home! I really needed him; I wanted him by me so bad. But no matter how desperate I am, I have always believed in giving him his space and not immediately greeting him with to-do lists or my emotions right off the bat.
Upon proceeding to welcome him home, he asks “Are you okay baby”? I silently shake my head no as he follows me back to the kitchen. Knowing he won’t shower until I spit it out, I just straight up unloaded what happened to me that day and how I felt (and have been feeling).
I talked, I cried, I repeated. He listened he hugged me and listened some more.
After hearing my heart out and consoling me with his words, nothing he said to me impacted me more that the very last thing he said to me at the end.
He gently backed off without loosening is embrace. And as he caressed my face making me look him in the eyes, he softly and slowly said: “…I need you too…”
I didn’t mind. I knew what he was talking about. After all, I was feeling very selfish as it is by my approach. But the reality is this is an emotional crisis that had been going on for weeks!
So if you have been in my shoes at all and need a gentle reminder that you both need each other and that you need to be one another’s support, here are 10 ways y’all can make an extra connection during those extra difficult times in life!
How To Reconnect With Your Spouse When Life’s Hard
1-Share and celebrate successes as much, if not more, that you do with the struggles.
2-When it comes to him as a Man, Father and Husband, acknowledge his qualities and verbalize your gratitude for him.
3-Ideal communication tip: Put it all in a letter! When you put it in writing for him, it comes out a lot better and you get to think before you “speak” as well as go over your words and see how you sound.
4-Once in a while, distract yourself with a fun game!
5-Ask thought provoking questions like “What do you notice about couples who are still in love?”…”What’s the best marriage advice you ever heard?”…”What do you want young couples to say about us when we’re an old married couple?”
6-Pray together and for one another
7-Read from the gospel and discuss your thoughts and reflections with each other.
8-Buy him a little something to bring back from your outing just to let him know he is on your mind.
9-Talk about life while in bed. Not mortgage, bills, or work but things like your marriage, sweet things you noticed about the kids, nice things about friends and family that you admire, something you finally accomplished, etc.
10-Make whatever arrangement’s necessary so you can have at least one date night as a couple; no kids. Just the two of you.
I haven’t always been the ideal Wife for my husband. I also have a hard time showing him that I care (because I do care!)
So one way I like to remember and acknowledge that he too can emotionally benefit from gestures by me, is by acknowledging simple pleasures that make me happy or help me feel better.
It is a moment I take to ask myself: What can I do for him? How can I make his day?
My invitation to you today is this:
Get to know your husband! Ask him questions. Things like:
“When was the last time I made you feel over the top and how can I do that more often?”
“What’s one thing we haven’t done together in awhile that you hope we do soon?”
It may surprise you how much you can learn from him (and do for him) if you just asked!