What is your first reaction at the thought of one day never being a part of your spouse’s life again?
Have you ever just imagined your life without him?
How would it be?
No really. How would your life really be? Chances are you have thought about these things and even landed on this page in the midst of a current big problem.
If you’re that person who knows things just aren’t right between you two and you don’t know why, which of the following habits can be interfering with your peace as a couple? If a failed marriage is something you never want to end up in, ask yourself which of these 20 ways to a Marriage Failure you can change or prevent, and go from there.
1-You leave it up to your husband to make you happy
My Dad and his wife used to counsel couples and their number one responses to the question: “Why did you get married?” was always “To be happy”.
Marriage is calling. It is your mission to make him happy. That’s what Love is: A decision to seek the other’s happiness even when you don’t feel like it! Get over the “He’s a grown man” nonsense and strive to be the Wife he wants to come home to. 😉
Also, it is not up to your husband to make you happy if your not happy with yourself to begin with. Value yourself and embrace who you are as a woman. Take care of you and make YOU happy. One can only give what one has!
2-You’re not all that trustworthy
Can you have money in your pocket without spending it? Do you message or follow anyone you feel you have to hide? Do you ever go someplace and end up having to tell him you went else where? These circumstances are an ultimate go to for shattering your marriage.
Yes, there are EXs who just simply don’t know when to stop talking to your spouse like if they are equals! And this doesn’t only go for bitter ex’s who just can’t get over themselves. It’s also the ones who don’t know how to gracefully conduce themselves with tact and maturity to carry out a stable and decent conversation that goes both ways. And they feel that they can still talk to your man however they please.
Don’t put up with it. You are NOT her emotional dump! She is not the wife. You are. And if it’s disrespectful for you and your hubby to address each other that way in YOUR OWN marriage, imagine how inappropriate it is for an EX, of all people, to still act like that!
Settle for nothing less than RESPECT or just keep your distance all together. Whether it’s your own ex or his, that person is an EX for a reason! And if they try having an attitude or being disrespectful to him or to you, have eachother’s backs and put them in their place real quick! Or like I said, disengage unless you absolutely must.
4-Lack of investment
It is imperative that you set aside specific time daily to keep your marriage fresh! Even if it’s at least 2 hours a night. Invest. In. Your. Relationship! If you don’t, you will likely find yourself under the same roof with a stranger upon your grown children’s departure. If you make till then.
5-Only expecting changes from him
Eh this is a big one. At least for me 😆 cause i’m good at this one. If you’re anything like me, it’s so freakin’ easy to repeatedly point things out to him without accepting hearing about my own flaws. Or it’s not our fault, right my friend?
6-Playing “Who Works More”
Who disciplines more, who makes the money, who does the dishes, who invests more time with the kids, who does more chores around here, etc. Etc.
Just cut it. Cut the baloney and keep in mind that marriage is not a competition.
Your husband is not the enemy!
I promise you, he does not wake up every morning and say: “Today, i’m gonna get her very last nerve”. So bare with him, talk and hustle like a team! 😉
(Sigh)…Do not…dishonor your man! He is your lifetime companion!! Build him up, shine by his side and be that Virtuous Woman that empowers and uplifts him, not the girl that tears him down and shames him, just don’t!
8-Not honoring his place or respecting him
Making arrangements, what’s his opinion? Got invited somewhere? Say you’ll get back to them. Goin’ to your Mom’s? Just tell him.
Don’t question your very capable husband or challenge his better judgement.
And this is NOT about being that opressed housewife asking “permission” for everything! I am not saying that. I am saying he should be informed of things, included in bigger decision making and be able to count on the fact that you take his opinions into consideration and together work things out from there. This marriage thing isn’t a one man show.
9-Putting your kids first
If you only invest every last ounce of your energy and give all your freshest and best to the children, you end up giving your spouse the left overs, which isn’t fair or constructive of your relationship.
What else do kids need other than having the privilege of seeing their parents affectionate and loving of one another? Happy Marriage=Happy Home.
10-Letting others and their opinions get between you
Whether it’s your marriage, parenting or fashion choices, people will always have an opinion. And like, no filter whatsoever. Never let other people’s input run the course of your marriage.
11- Telling your business to other people
Once upon a time, besties Susan and Betty Lou were talking, you know, girl to girl. Susan frequently shared stuff about her husband Joe; her problems, their intimacies, etc.
So Susan’s bestie became so familiar with Joes likes, challenges, weaknesses, etc.
Next thing Susan knew, she found out that Betty Lou’s been sleepin’ with her husband Joe at a hotel!
Moral of the story: Leave people out of it!!
12-Forgetting that he’s your best friend
Remember, your hubby is your secret keeper, your tickle fight buddy, the shoulder you lean on, your lifetime companion!
13-Not speaking up and assuming he has to guess what you want
We are so good at getting an attitude when we don’t get attention don’t we? One of the things we have to repeatedly be reminded is that hubby legit can not read our mind! We have a brain and a mouth to say what we need, all we have to do is speak up. That would avoid lots o’ problems!
14-Failing to invest in yourself
You just can not pour from an empty cup! If you are making every effort for everyone but you, you will end up lost and resentful. A happy, satisfied and fulfilled woman is a blessing to her family and the joy of her home.
The divorce rate is getting higher among couples over 50. They didn’t learn to be flexible for one another and now that their kids are gone they each have their own individual concept of how and where they want to enjoy their life. They end up parting ways to accomplish each their own dream vs figuring things out together. Or better yet, without having invested in each other while they were raising kids.
This one KINDA goes hand in hand with #13. You must address a problem using your words. There is no such thing as avoiding conflict because in your attempt to do so, you are making it bigger and bigger.
And eventually you are going to burst anyway and it’s gonna be very ugly and non-constructive.
17-Lack of intimacy
Intimacy is a very vital factor in making your relationship bloom and not become tedious. With kids it may be harder to be as consistent with say, sex. But there is always other ways to enhance the romantic spark so it doesn’t go away.
18-Social Media addiction
I bet you can remember the last time your husband addressed you while on your phone and you either hesitated to leave the piece o’ crap or you mumbled without making actual eye contact.
Phone use not only is a major, if not ultimate obstacle in a marriage but also in other vital relationships such as marriage!
And sadly i’ve experienced this myself and even wrote a post on Phone Use and life’s specific moments I’ve missed because of it!
19- Lack of humility and forgiveness
I have shared this virtue repeatedly on this blog because, I don’t know about you, but it is my own biggest challenge and I need to remember to hold myself accountable and remember to not only expect apologies but to have the same grace and humility to acknowledge and address my own mistakes
I once asked women what their biggest source of pain was and I was stunned that most of them revealed it was their own parents! Almost every time, I see them complaining about the disrespect and discrimination they will have toward the person their child chose to marry.
I went though the same thang! But guess what? NO ONE comes between or before the live of my life and me! Even if it has cost that particular relationship and not speaking.
If you grant space in your family to people like that, other set no boundaries, destruction and control will never end and you will never know the sense of peace and relief. I promise your children and yourself will not miss out. Unless you count negativity. And who wouldn’t want their cute little family to miss out on that?
I don’t know under what circumstance you came across this post. I do know that it’s not because you went out of your way to ask google to give you ideas on how you can make your marriage fail. I genuinely believe that neither you nor your husband wake up every morning to make a to-do list with any of these habits mentioned above. They just happen, I know. I didn’t write this post because I’m an expert in marriage or because I have been there, but because more than I have wanted, I have seen what tears the solid most strongest marriages apart, and because I am a woman who strives to not be ‘that person‘. We all need occasional reminders on things to keep in check to do our part in sustaining a strong marriage.
Allow me to challenge you!
Upon waking up in the morning, tell yourself one thing you will do that day for your husband (yes, one more thing); ideally something opposite to the bad habits mentioned in this post. For example if you’re marriage is challenged in area #7, make a moment to tell him what you saw in him when he swiped you off your feet. Or if you struggle with #18 , make it a point to leave your phone in your purse during car rides and strike conversation.
You get the idea. Go, make it happen!