Have you ever seen this Facebook meme of a grandma holding her glasses over her eyes saying “Oh honey no, what were you thinking?!” (looking 5 years back at her posts) Sometimes I feel that way myself. I am human, and as such, I sometimes feel insecure. I totally feel like I’m going to look back on some of these posts one day and be like ‘What the…What?’
I become hesitant to write topics like today’s because I know people don’t google this nor care about my personal life! My mission is to provide you with value. My content is supposed to contain ‘something in it for you‘.
That being said, today I have decided to break the rule. In the process, I still wholeheartedly attempt to leave you something that may feel familiar to you and maybe even make you feel better. I am just so overwhelmed and maybe you have been through something like this or i’m sure even worse.
This year I did not wish anyone a Happy New Year on my social media; not a single New Year post. And if you’ve ever come across this post yet regarding my experience begining my own family traditions as a new wife, then you know how much of a big deal holidays are to me! This past week and a half, I have done nothing but try to hold myself together. For only the second time in my new married life, my whole family (including me) got sick. But it is still Momma who everyone depends on. We get no days off and we still serve our family to keep them happy, well cared for and loved.
Our heater has not functioned for a week now and my healthy babies, never last sick more than a couple days. Well, they are still not well. I am a SAHM and my husband has been in so much pain he has not been to work. My head is pounding, my asthma attacking me and my energy level…I won’t even go there! New Years came and we couldn’t even make our grand traditional tamale recipe. We were stuck with illness and could do nothing but pick up a burrito from the taco truck and eat at home with no one but us.
When you see your child suffer it hurts. When your husband is in pain it hurts. When you do everything you can and it doesn’t go away, it HURTS! My babies are only under 2 years old and when I see their pain and my husband’s helplessness, all I can do after everything within my control, I hold myself from crying, I hold myself from losing patience, I hold myself from making that face that will tell my husband that I too feel very bad, that I too wish for attention, acknowledgement and loving care, that I also need someone to lean on. And I don’t want that burden on him when I know it’s his turn to need my full support. I also wish he cared about himself as much as I do and cooperate with me and that’s not always the case so have to remember that I am his Wife and not his Mom.
At night I sit awake because I know how likely my infant will wake up with his own cough just as I am falling asleep and I will need to quickly get up and go to his room to comfort him before he wakes up his sister. On the other hand, I am comforted by the moment my family falls asleep. The moment they are able to dose off, I feel that sense of relief that they are finally getting a break and not feeling their pain; even if it’s at least for those moments.
Writing this has not been easy. In my mind, it’s easy to imagine you sitting there judging me, thinking “This is nothing…you should be grateful…if you only knew…you just wait…what a sensitive little snowflake”.
This year though, let me tell you, I was also comforted just by acknowledging the fact that so many had it worse than me. I was in my home, with my family and had a meal. Others had no roof, no food and no family to share with. I know there are single mothers out there making it on there own EVERY DAY. I know there are moms who had to watch their kids go to bed hungry this holiday season; or everyday for that matter. I know these things, ok. I know that.
But if you made it this far in my post, thank you! Thanks so much for reading, maybe you’re not thinking bad about me after all. Maybe this was all to familiar to you.
Have you ever had an important or special time in your life interfered with overwhelming moments like these? What has been your worst most overwhelming mommy moment? READ MINE HERE! And share with me in the comments what your most challenging time has been!
Oh! And…Happy New Year!