So, you know that sense of self-loss, and lack of fulfillment that can sometimes come when you feel like you do nothing more than change diapers and cater to your husband?
That had been me for a long time. In fact, I’ve been a homemaker since way back before I even married or became a Mom at all. When I was 8 yrs. old, my Father married his now wife of more than 20 yrs. Less than 3 years into her marriage with my Father, my narcissist step-mother acquired complete control of my life. I kid you not. Complete. Control of MY life.
That meant that baby after baby, (5 of them) were consistently cared for by me. It meant cooking and housekeeping all the time. It meant that I only dressed the way she demanded, as well as fixing my hair the way she said so. It meant never using the phone unless calling my Mom, (and even then I would ask permission). It meant I never went to a single school field trip, ever. It meant pursuing the career that she wanted and not what I wholeheartedly desired.
It also meant I never got to share an ice cream with a friend or a movie with my cousins or a date with a guy, ever; not even beyond my 20s!
She even dictated what time I showered and what underclothes I could wear. (Yes, literally).
She didn’t allow me to pursue a job until my mid 20s because I was “too dumb and naïve”.
A whole year since meeting my then boyfriend, my stepmother gave us a really hard time! She attempted brainwashing and manipulating me. On the other hand, she would disrespect him, put him down and humiliate him in front of people, treat him like a child and not an equal, etc. Just to name a few examples.
After that long year, the last straw was when she called him behind me and my Dad’s back to talk bad about me to get him away from me. My man is humble, but he ain’t stupid. She legit thought he would fall for her words and when he didn’t, she straight-up demanded that he no longer see me. For good.
I left the house 2 weeks later!✌ And married 8 months after that.💍
Why’d I wait so long to leave?
My siblings are the world to me! I do not complain about them, let alone have I ever resented them. The circumstances never changed the fact that I love and cared for those kids like they were my very own. I have the guts to say that now that I know what actually having kids of my own is like. I couldn’t just pick up my things and leave! I prayed on my knees, Every. Single. Day. Sooner than later I realized it was now or never; that I had to, eventually, live my own life.
My best and young years literally went from raising my siblings, straight to raising my own family (pregnant and nursing nonstop for 2 yrs). I have always lived for someone else. My babies are toddlers now, and for the first time in my life, I feel a sense of freedom and space that has motivated me so much to start focusing on my own personal aspirations, without sacrificing my family or my faith!
In my pursuit of ‘doing more’, ‘being more’ and seeking something that didn’t involve tending to someone else, is how this BLOG came to be.
What happened in the past, is there. In the past. What my Father’s Wife has done is between her and God. I have only my little family to answer to now and what I do from now on is in God’s hands. I have Him to thank for bestowing blessing upon blessing in my happy marriage.
(It was about time I got over hiding this side of my story. Note that this was not about exposing and/or condemning the woman who raised me. After all she is my Dad’s Wife. I opened myself up to elaborate how far I’ve come in a journey of my own and how much I continue to fully thrive in my life! It has taken me every last ounce of courage to share this with you. I did it with my heart in hand and I wholeheartedly hope that you embrace it and can take something good with you).
Now, in my own journey to creating a life of fulfillment, I have found inspiration to empower you to do the same, even when you feel it’s unrealistic.
In the process of creating the lifestyle I want, the impact it has had in my vocation as Wife and Mom has been beyond remarkable! I am finally finding myself, and have started to fully embrace who I am (not who I was made to think I was or what anybody else expects me to be). I have began making my needs also a priority and taking self-care seriously as well as pursuing personal growth. As a result, I have become a better person for it. I can carry out my Mommy duties in a much fresher mood. And not only do I feel like a lady beside my husband as his Woman that I am, but I feel like the goddess of a home I can now call my very own.
So, how can I keep this to myself and not inspire other beautiful Women? I can’t just watch my personal life fall into place and not share with you how I do it and what keeps me motivated!
Because a life of happiness, purpose, satisfaction and fulfillment does not come by itself. It doesn’t come with a husband, nor does it depend on your children even. Contentment and gratitude starts with you! It is God that provides you just the tools you need for You, yourself to set the tone and be able to embrace joy in the way you serve these very people He placed in your life to begin with.
Thank you for sharing your story! I have had a similar experience so I totally get you!