As I walked into the Barnes n Noble book store, I could smell the Starbucks coffee, hear some soft music playing and embrace the scent of new tangible books! It felt so good to notice and acknowledge these delights upon walking in!
You see, I’m an extreme book lover and reading fascinates me to no end! Well, I had not made a trip to the book store ALONE in…oh, like 3+ years. But this time, it was just ME.
Just me, myself, and I.
As I began browsing the books that caught my attention, I suddenly felt an immense waive of pure joy and satisfaction just by feeling the book and flipping through the pages as the smell of these real books reached my nostrils.
You see my friend, I had completely forgotten how much I loved books and the way reading made me feel! I came to the realization that I had lost that big part of ME after having babies, once I simply stopped giving myself time to enjoy any good books. I suddenly realized to what extent I had abandoned my ultimate hobby, and that’s when I noticed that I had forgotten altogether that I was even book reader to begin with and how much that fulfilled me as a person!
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Can you recall the last time that, without involving your kids, you carried out an activity that provided you with such a genuine sense of joy and fulfillment?
If you are that Mom who happens to be struck by the reality that you don’t know who you are anymore, you didn’t see how this happened and don’t know how to fix it, stay tuned. In this post, I will address the mistakes that could have led you here to begin with as well as leave you with an ultimate takeaway to recover your journey to rediscover yourself after motherhood!
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1- You think it has to be all about the kids and prioritize them above all
If this sounds offensive to you, it may be time to acknowledge why you’re lost and feel the way you do. It might be time to redefine ‘priorities’. If you thought becoming a Mom constitutes leaving your life on the side for every last one of your family’s plans to revolve around them, then it’s about time you realize that as much attention and care your children need (because they do and there is nothing wrong with making choices that ultimately benefit your family), but prioritizing the care of your children does not mean excluding yourself from that list of priorities. No matter how much you invest in the wellbeing and growth of your kids, if you do not foster your own, you will be empty, burnt out and unsatisfied.
2- You have forgotten the pleasure of ‘touching up’ and feeling ‘put together’
Why did you stop caring about the way you look? In all honesty, what is it that makes you feel it no longer matters? Are you aware to what extent your appearance impacts your overall mood? Do you realize that in caring for and embracing yourself, you would be setting the tone for raising confident children who acknowledge their own bodies and care for it? In case you have lost that sense of effort and self-assurance, try it sometime. It can be something as simple as throwing on a pair of earrings, putting up your hair, having a manicure or putting on some nice jeans. It is amazingly pleasing and enhances a highly uplifting mood!
3- Your sense of self was measured by the fulfilling career you had
If your identity was dependent on the level of education you had or what kind of job you did, that can feel like a major loss of validation and satisfaction as a Woman. It doesn’t matter that you are a stay-at-home Mom by choice and with no regrets. Just acquiring that magnitude of transition as it is, can be a huge psychological blow on you!
4- You can no longer do whatever you want whenever you want
Sure the whole flow of your family dynamics has to be run a certain way in accordance with everyone’s needs in mind, but don’t embrace the concept that this means you can no longer actually do whatever you want. It just means that there is a time, circumstance and place for everything. This may just mean that you and your man have to agree on some adjustments so that you can get the chance to reserve some space for you to have some alone time or whatever it is that you need. (Grocery shopping by yourself does not count ok). This is a time to fill your own cup.
5- The oh, so never-ending comparing game
That’s our favorite game there isn’t it? Repeatedly analyzing what so-and-so has that we don’t, right? We are so inundated with the presence of insta-perfect Moms and popular YouTube influencers that we are always trying to pursue their level of life, what they have, how they look, how their home is decorated, what’s in their closets, etc; the list goes on. How will you ever know who YOU are if you invest your energy wishing the life of someone under completely different circumstances than you are? And to add on top of this, part of the problem with this mistake is also forgetting that they are people just like you who just decide not to show the real deal when it comes to real life. We all have shit days and some just don’t put it out there! So stop trying to be an over-achieving Pinterest mom.
6- You don’t have a hobby or have abandoned old passions altogether
What better way to get some down time, clear your mind, recharge and have fun (and even make money😉) in the process than making the time to do something as chill as a hobby? Your choice of hobby reflects who you are as a person and is a form of expression. If you abandon that, it’s no wonder you lose yourself because you literally loose a part of yourself! Pursuing a hobby/old passion would be one thing that does not involve tending to your children, your home or your spouse for a change but will fulfill you and bring you pleasure, peace and joy!
7- You stop connecting with friends or making new ones
Just because y’all are parents now doesn’t mean you just cannot make time to meet anymore, all that changes should be the approach with which you get together. For example, it may no longer make sense to talk over a coffee or attempt watching a movie at the theaters, but why not schedule playdates, library story times or weekend family camping trips? Time to get creative!
8- You won’t accept that help is just indispensable once in a while
I used to be so, so adamant about the thought of letting anyone else but me watch over my kids! I was always like, well “I’M the Mom, they are MY kids, no need to leave them with anyone. They are supposed to be with their Mama”! Don’t get me wrong, while this is still my mentality (why else would I be a sahm), it was wrong of me not to acknowledge that there WILL be days that I will need some down time as well as a nice date out with my husband. Only I realized this when I went on a date with my husband for the first time in 3 years!
9- You waste time on your phone first thing in the morning, and more before you fall asleep at night
I kid you not, if you’d spend at least the very first hour of your day without browsing any type of screen and instead invested the start of your day nurturing your body, spirit and mind, it would be a massive game changer on not only promoting your growth as a person, but boosting your mood and the over-all flow of your day! You can do anything from journaling, praying, reading a good book, you name it! Anything that cultivates you as a Woman, is more than an acceptable way to feel good and stimulate your day right and/or fall asleep at night to something so profoundly positive and nurturing!
Final Thoughts
Ok so now that you have an idea the types of factors that have impacted your loss of identity as a Woman, how do you regain it?
What self-discovery exercises can you carry out that will not only help you find fulfillment in this new life as Mom, but also bring out the Woman in you, that part of your own person that still exists in you somewhere?
Sure, you will never be able to go back to being the person you were before you had children, but there will always be ways to embrace the new you that came to life upon giving life. In fact, if you ask me, I’ve never felt more alive, strong, talented and virtuous than when Motherhood forced me to grow and develop so many qualities I never knew I had or would have ever acquired!
There will always be ways that in spite of your role as a Wife and Mom, you can still invest in you, be you and pursue growth as a person, while embracing your own individuality and enjoying it in the process.
That is why to take hand in hand with this post, I have created for you a list of ways to do just that. Your ultimate takeaway can be the following FREE gift which contains a list of things you can try out that will freshen things up for you big time! I really don’t want you to miss out on this, so don’t leave without claiming it so you can print it out and keep it handy!
Claim it below if you haven’t already!👇😉
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