This is the hardest thing I have ever debated putting out there for the world since I started this blog. I wouldn’t have the courage to do this if I didn’t know that there is one Mom out there feeling just like me today. So here goes.
One month ago, I missed my period on the same ol’ week I get it every month. I only purchased a pregnancy test just to confirm that it was not a pregnancy, so that I can go and find out what is wrong with me and why my period didn’t come this month, because I “knew for sure I couldn’t be pregnant”! In fact, upon purchasing the test, I didn’t even take it that day, and when I finally did, I went about my chores for quite a while before returning to check the result.
When I came back the positive result was the clearest positive I have ever seen!👇
When I shared my story with you, I revealed how having one boy and one girl who are toddlers now, made it the ideal time for me to start pursuing more for myself now that I felt more time and freedom to do so. I wasn’t pregnant or nursing anymore like I had been for 2 years straight with those two, and my mind, body, and sense of self was finally coming together!
So upon being surprised with this pregnancy, here are the concerns that have flooded my mind as well as other thoughts I have about this.
This isn’t what I wanted
Don’t get me wrong; this is NOT an unwanted baby!
When I say this, it means it’s what I didn’t want for our family/my children right now; the lack of energy, the tiredness, “laziness”, worrying more about the baby now, etc.
I have seen very close what it’s like when a woman has a pregnancy after another and I didn’t want to put my kids through this. (Again, you can read part of that story HERE). I dread starting over and not having enough energy for my kids to be there for them the way they’d like. I wanted to focus on actually being a parent to the ones I have and not worry about nurturing another while needing to hold them, run and play with them, etc.
My body was finally “perfect” again
By perfect, I mean I weighed the same as I did prior to having my first baby, I had started to where whatever I wanted and I felt good in my own skin. (My hair, omg, it was already growing pretty😭! Have you seen it??) I was so over repeatedly changing my wardrobe. Now it’s back to the weight gain, maternity bras, leggings, nursing apparel, etc. All over again!
Will I manage?
In case you don’t know, this baby is going to make 3 under 3. 2 under 2 is already a nightmare at times, so I legit wonder if I will literally be able to handle this when I have 3 littles running around. It’s hard as it is for any parent, but as a work-from-home Mom , I am pretty worried!
Intrusive thoughts
You know, those worst case scenarios that maybe every pregnant mom has gone through. Like something going wrong in the first trimester, or things not turning out as planned upon delivery, really scary possibilities, etc.
I don’t want to lose myself
Again, I was finally investing myself as a person. Not just Wife or as Mom, but just as Elena. I don’t just want to forget about myself in the midst of all this. I don’t want to forget the impact it has on my family when I prioritize my needs as much as I do for everyone else. I need to continue caring for myself now more than ever and continue sharing my journey with you. By the way, have you read my blog’s tagline?
Everything came back to my memory
The back pain, the fatigue, the stuff I could no longer do, the contractions, labor pain, hospital, postpartum (omg my house will be a disaster😭) the discomfort I will have nursing in the summer, etc.
I dread people finding out because I am not in the mood for their comments
I kid you not, ever person I know , except my siblings. thinks that our little family having one boy and one girl is perfect! Like Mom, Dad, boy and girl, (and dog) is the ideal image of a perfect little family and I just don’t wanna hear it. I don’t. Like the other day this lady’s like: “Well it should be a girl this time so you can go ahead and have another little pair”.
EDIT: So I am now 7 months pregnant and now that people know, I leave you right here all the unbelievable comments I have gotten from friends, family, strangers and fellow Moms!
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This is going to be super fun
In spite of everything, I am genuinely happy about this pregnancy from the moment I found out. And when I am experiencing those crazy but cute moments with my babies, I laugh and think to myself that my 3 babies having each other will be the best gift ever! Especially on the long run. I even wrote a post about what makes having babies close in age, cool.
I am motivated more than ever
I am determined to embrace this pregnancy like I never have with my first two. Self care has been real for me and what I do to care for my body and pregnancy now, are things I never even did with my first! I thought I was done so I knew that if I ever got pregnant again, to me we would make it extra special! And no matter how hard this gets, I am motivated to stay consistent with you guys and be disciplined with my work. I want that example for my kids too.
I already interact with my baby
Research has found that mothers with a negative attitude toward her pregnancy, experience a higher ratio of complications, and often give birth to low weight, emotionally disturbed infants. The subconscious goes that deep, my friend. When rejection is conveyed, the long term impact is there. I want to engage in a positive way with my baby and transmit love and acceptance. Because my fears do not mean that I don’t love and accept my child, because I do and I want to nurture that in him/her.
I engage my toddlers
My unborn baby is already part of the family and will be treated as such by everyone as of now. It is important to me to begin nurturing in my children a love and anticipation for their new little sibling and that brings them a sense of joy!
Excited about nesting
It’s the first time I realize how early on in pregnancy nesting can happen and that I what I was recently going through and it’s just amazing!
I’ve literally never been so anxious to find out the gender
Having one of each (one boy, one girl) now has me wondering who’s baby clothes this little one will be wearing, what name we will want (the first 2 babys’ names were planned. This one we have no idea), and if our family will now be one of 2 girls or 2 boys and what that will be like!
Ah, it’ll all be fine!
No matter how concerned I am at the moment, I know from the bottom of my heart that I really can manage and that everything is going to be ok, and in fact even better than I can imagine.
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Final Thoughts
I put this post out knowing I will eventually be judged and criticized for the negative side of things, and if I am, well good. That will make me happy because it means I will be hearing from Moms who have never felt this way toward their babies and that must be a good thing and good for them. But to all my fellow Mamas out there who have ever felt like me, we know how full of resentment this post sounded at first, but I am overall genuinely thrilled to have this baby and think it’s normal for a woman in my shoes to come across these kinds of fears.
Do you agree?
If you have ever felt this way, tell me about it in the comments and let me know how it all eventually turned out! It would totally motivate me and make me feel better 😉
I can also tell you all about mine and hubby’s reaction😄 Just ask me in the comments below!💕
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I just recently found out I’m pregnant with my 3rd baby while my son is about to be 6mo. I’m having trouble not wanting to cry honestly. I’m not ready for another baby, and having 3 under 5, more essentially 2 under 2 scares the life out of me. My husband doesn’t get why I’m not over the moon excited. I just had a csection 6 months ago. I’m exhausted and mixing PPA and PPD with this isn’t helping. I couldn’t terminate, I don’t want to, but I’m just having issues accepting right now as I’m only 7w. I just wish someone else would understand instead of asking if know i how babies are made or some nonsense. I’m just mentally and physically exhausted.
Hi MC! I will be honest and say that I was “done” having babies. My husband had been fully transparent with me in wanting a at least one more but he is so considerate of me and situation that he told me he would respect that because his concern is that I am okay. Physically, mentally and emotionally. When we did get pregnant, he did freak out. Just like me, he was terrified at first. What helped him digest this reality is our overall mentality that when something comes from God, there is a REASON for it and it is not going to be something we can’t handle. In spite of that fact that yes, there may be some restrictions now because of a new baby, the reality is that we live in an abundant country where anything is possible and in all honesty, what can one more baby take away from our first 2? Think about it. The blessing this child will be on the long run will highly far outweigh anything we will ever have to ‘give up’. Like I said it was scary at first, but overall, my husband was happy and engages with my unborn ever since. What helped him too was reassurance from me and seeing that I was calm and accepting of the situation, not expressing resentment with my words or actions. I can tell you all about my husband, but ultimately we are all different. In mindset and in lifestyle circumstances. So I say the best thing you can do right now is have open communucation with him so you both are on the same page and know eachother’s feelings so that y’all can fully support one another. Just wait ’till you start seeing the ultrasound, finding out the gender, start picking a nane and clothes etc. It will all feel so much better! Now, as far as knowing what to anticipate with 3 under 3, stick around cause i’m still 7 months pregnant so no baby yet😉 Hang in thers and congratulations!💖
I’ve just found out that I’m pregnant with our 3rd. Surprise is an understatement. I have a 2.5 year old son and a 4 month old son. Not only am I going through all of the emotions trying to wrap my head around this, but so is my husband. I know it takes a little longer for men to connect with the baby inside the womb, but I’m curious if your partner felt the same and how it all worked out. I. By no means worried about jo. Leaving or anything like that, weve discussed the potential of a 3rd, but neither of us expected this so soon. The instant fear of life with 3, bigger cars, bigger houses, sacrificing our season tickets to everything we have, private school may not be an option anymore. Will they all have the opportunities they would have had if we stopped at 2? I agree, not unwanted, just unplanned.
Hi Shantel! First off congratulations on a strong, healthy baby boy💙 I am sorry you got that kind of comment from someone. I whole heartedly appreciate your genuine words on here, they made my heart melt💕 I love hearing from a fellow Mama that is going through this and reminding me that it will indeed, be ok. We’ll see where this goes haha, there will be plenty of sharing on here. And well, Thank you so much☺
First of all, I just wanted to say that I have never before commented on a blog post but given my current situation I felt compelled to say that you are not alone! After having one boy and one girl myself, my husband and I were done having kids, my little girl was such a handful that I honestly didn’t think I could handle another one so I got put on birth control while we waited until my husband had a vasectomy. Well the day before we went in to his vasectomy appointment I hound out I was unexpectedly pregnant with our third…I was only four months postpartum with my second. I did not handle it as gracefully as you because it took me a couple months to accept the fact that I would have babies 14 months apart. My little surprise was born August 24 and I’m so thankful for my persistent little man (I mean, he had to work through an IUD and me nursing which also a form of birth control)! The feelings and fears that come along with an unplanned pregnancy are totally normal and should not be criticized by those who do not understand (I had one lady tell me to give my baby up for adoption, I told her he was not unwanted or unloved, just unplanned!) Anyways, you’ve got this mama! Having three takes some time getting used to (I’m still not 100% there) but eventually it will all fall into place. Congrats!