This is the hardest thing I have ever debated putting out there for the world since I started this blog. I wouldn’t have the courage to do this if I didn’t know that there is one Mom out there feeling just like me today. So here goes.
One month ago, I missed my period on the same ol’ week I get it every month. I only purchased a pregnancy test just to confirm that it was not a pregnancy, so that I can go and find out what is wrong with me and why my period didn’t come this month, because I “knew for sure I couldn’t be pregnant”! In fact, upon purchasing the test, I didn’t even take it that day, and when I finally did, I went about my chores for quite a while before returning to check the result.
When I came back the positive result was the clearest positive I have ever seen!👇
When I shared my story with you, I revealed how having one boy and one girl who are toddlers now, made it the ideal time for me to start pursuing more for myself now that I felt more time and freedom to do so. I wasn’t pregnant or nursing anymore like I had been for 2 years straight with those two, and my mind, body, and sense of self was finally coming together!
So upon being surprised with this pregnancy, here are the concerns that have flooded my mind as well as other thoughts I have about this.
This isn’t what I wanted
Don’t get me wrong; this is NOT an unwanted baby!
When I say this, it means it’s what I didn’t want for our family/my children right now; the lack of energy, the tiredness, “laziness”, worrying more about the baby now, etc.
I have seen very close what it’s like when a woman has a pregnancy after another and I didn’t want to put my kids through this. (Again, you can read part of that story HERE). I dread starting over and not having enough energy for my kids to be there for them the way they’d like. I wanted to focus on actually being a parent to the ones I have and not worry about nurturing another while needing to hold them, run and play with them, etc.
My body was finally “perfect” again
By perfect, I mean I weighed the same as I did prior to having my first baby, I had started to where whatever I wanted and I felt good in my own skin. (My hair, omg, it was already growing pretty😭! Have you seen it??) I was so over repeatedly changing my wardrobe. Now it’s back to the weight gain, maternity bras, leggings, nursing apparel, etc. All over again!
Will I manage?
In case you don’t know, this baby is going to make 3 under 3. 2 under 2 is already a nightmare at times, so I legit wonder if I will literally be able to handle this when I have 3 littles running around. It’s hard as it is for any parent, but as a work-from-home Mom , I am pretty worried!
You know, those worst case scenarios that maybe every pregnant mom has gone through. Like something going wrong in the first trimester, or things not turning out as planned upon delivery, really scary possibilities, etc.
I don’t want to lose myself
Again, I was finally investing myself as a person. Not just Wife or as Mom, but just as Elena. I don’t just want to forget about myself in the midst of all this. I don’t want to forget the impact it has on my family when I prioritize my needs as much as I do for everyone else. I need to continue caring for myself now more than ever and continue sharing my journey with you. By the way, have you read my blog’s tagline?
Everything came back to my memory
The back pain, the fatigue, the stuff I could no longer do, the contractions, labor pain, hospital, postpartum (omg my house will be a disaster😭) the discomfort I will have nursing in the summer, etc.
I dread people finding out because I am not in the mood for their comments
I kid you not, ever person I know , except my siblings. thinks that our little family having one boy and one girl is perfect! Like Mom, Dad, boy and girl, (and dog) is the ideal image of a perfect little family and I just don’t wanna hear it. I don’t. Like the other day this lady’s like: “Well it should be a girl this time so you can go ahead and have another little pair”.
This is going to be super fun
In spite of everything, I am genuinely happy about this pregnancy from the moment I found out. And when I am experiencing those crazy but cute moments with my babies, I laugh and think to myself that my 3 babies having each other will be the best gift ever! Especially on the long run. I even wrote a post about what makes having babies close in age, cool.
I am motivated more than ever
I am determined to embrace this pregnancy like I never have with my first two. Self care has been real for me and what I do to care for my body and pregnancy now, are things I never even did with my first! I thought I was done so I knew that if I ever got pregnant again, to me we would make it extra special! And no matter how hard this gets, I am motivated to stay consistent with you guys and be disciplined with my work. I want that example for my kids too.
I already interact with my baby
Research has found that mothers with a negative attitude toward her pregnancy, experience a higher ratio of complications, and often give birth to low weight, emotionally disturbed infants. The subconscious goes that deep, my friend. When rejection is conveyed, the long term impact is there. I want to engage in a positive way with my baby and transmit love and acceptance. Because my fears do not mean that I don’t love and accept my child, because I do and I want to nurture that in him/her.
I engage my toddlers
My unborn baby is already part of the family and will be treated as such by everyone as of now. It is important to me to begin nurturing in my children a love and anticipation for their new little sibling and that brings them a sense of joy!
Excited about nesting
It’s the first time I realize how early on in pregnancy nesting can happen and that I what I was recently going through and it’s just amazing!
I’ve literally never been so anxious to find out the gender
Having one of each (one boy, one girl) now has me wondering who’s baby clothes this little one will be wearing, what name we will want (the first 2 babys’ names were planned. This one we have no idea), and if our family will now be one of 2 girls or 2 boys and what that will be like!
Ah, it’ll all be fine!
No matter how concerned I am at the moment, I know from the bottom of my heart that I really can manage and that everything is going to be ok, and in fact even better than I can imagine.
I put this post out knowing I will eventually be judged and criticized for the negative side of things, and if I am, well good. That will make me happy because it means I will be hearing from Moms who have never felt this way toward their babies and that must be a good thing and good for them. But to all my fellow Mamas out there who have ever felt like me, we know how full of resentment this post sounded at first, but I am overall genuinely thrilled to have this baby and think it’s normal for a woman in my shoes to come across these kinds of fears.
Do you agree?
If you have ever felt this way, tell me about it in the comments and let me know how it all eventually turned out! It would totally motivate me and make me feel better 😉
I can also tell you all about mine and hubby’s reaction😄 Just ask me in the comments below!💕
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